No Fault Divorce Is A Spiritual Affair
By: Cindy Hide
Once upon a time before the early 1960’s there was a world where marriage was the norm and divorce was difficult. If we invested in each other and our lives as a married couple, only serious malfeasance was grounds for divorce. It was a time when we could take ownership of our marriage dream and feel secure in the stability of the family that we intentionally created.
Fast forward to the new millennium where grounds for divorce include “because I want to” and what used to be a contractual relationship has been reduced to a legal “status.” Today, in spite of continued enthusiasm for finding a lifelong marriage mate, few brides or grooms realize that the real marriage bond exists only on a spiritual plane because the legal system will not protect their vows from crumbling.
The introduction of no-fault divorce in California in the early sixties erased all the old rules on the books—grounds which included adultery, abandonment and abuse—and replaced them with a standard for divorce based on something called irremediable breakdown of the marriage. The spirit of the statute quickly buzzed throughout the halls of legislatures across the country and has since resulted in some form of “no-fault” approach in nearly every state in the country.
Now one might wonder, “Why would fault be removed as a reason for divorce?” The original intention was to avoid fabricated grounds in order to comply with the statute when both parties simply wanted out. It also caused unnecessary legal proceedings and undue stress on the children.
The more cynical view points towards a much darker reason for the change. Negotiating power used to depend on egregious behavior, but without fault, property division and child custody now depends on a lawyer’s advocacy skills, courtroom bias and the ability for either party to financially sustain a fight.
So what can you do if you don’t want a divorce but your spouse does? The answer lies in the spirit of your marriage—literally.
Cindy Hide is a family law attorney in Houston, Texas, Founder of Divorce Education for Women and author of 7 Steps to Divorcing Wisely: Do I Stay or Do I Leave? She offers seminars, a Professional Directory, an on-line bookstore and FREE e-tips to empower women in relationship transition. Visit www.DivorceEducationForWomen.com or call 713.599.0065.
Tell your friends about this site! This blog is provided by Denise Michaels. To see more blogs by Denise to go http://GreatIdeasForWomenOver40.com.Denise Michaels is author of the myth-shattering book, “Testosterone-Free Marketing” for women business owners. Go to http://MarketingForHer.com and click on “Get the Book!”
posted by Denise Michaels @ 9:55 AM
Starting Over: Dating After Divorce
By: Tonja Weimer
Starting over after a divorce or breakup can be hard. Where do you go and what do you do? Men and women lose at least half of their social network when they get divorced. Their relationships with relatives, in-laws, neighbors, work colleagues, and spousal friends all shift and change. It takes determination to get out there and date. How do you start over?
* Take care of your heart.
You are vulnerable at this time. Quiet, reflective, or reading time is good. Hiking, fishing, gym time, art activities, team sports, cycling, cooking, counseling, classes, and self work is good. Spending time with close friends and family is good. Brooding, worrying, and obsessing on negative thoughts is not good.
*Plan your weekends.
When you are home alone, spend some time planning where you will go on the weekends. Weekends alone can be real downers if you are recently separated or divorced. Call a cousin, or your mother, father, sister, brother, uncles, aunts, nieces or nephews. You have people in your life you can take places with you who will not look like a date, no matter what gender they are.
*Find your forgotten talents.
Think about what you have always wanted to do or used to do but put it down long ago. Take the action steps to get involved in those activities again. Did you used to play tennis, ride horses, paint, sing, tap dance, travel, or play an instrument? Have you always wanted to act, design clothes, weave, grow a garden, swim, or fix clocks? No matter how bizarre it may sound to your friends, find what you have always loved to do or longed to discover and get busy. Instead of dwelling on what went wrong with your life, start looking at what you have going for you. You can build a new and wonderful life.
*Attend some social events.
It may feel awkward, but getting out to meet new people in "safe" settings like church, weddings, reunions, funerals, gatherings at friend's houses, meetings, conventions, conferences, and classes will give you energy. Stay as unattached as possible to the outcome. Consider your evenings out as an exploration into the possible.
* Visualize.
Before you go to any function, visualize how you would like your time there to be. See yourself as being friendly and confident, meeting interesting people. Before you fall asleep at night, picture how you would like your day and week to be. See yourself as calm, happy, productive, and loved by those around you.
Whenever you get out, remember to smile and make eye contact with people. Ask questions, listen to the answers, and start conversations. Reach out. This is how you begin to build the foundation for dating and starting over.
Visit http://www.tonjaweimer.com or http://www.singlesdatingtips.com for more tips, skills, and insight on dating, relationships, singles, and love. Subscribe to our F*ree Savvy Dating Newsletter from master single's coach, life coach, and syndicated columnist, Tonja Weimer. Copyright 2006, Tonja Weimer. (Please note source if reprinting this article.)
Tell your friends about this site! This blog is provided by Denise Michaels. To see more blogs by Denise to go http://GreatIdeasForWomenOver40.com.Denise Michaels is author of the myth-shattering book, “Testosterone-Free Marketing” for women business owners. Go to http://MarketingForHer.com and click on “Get the Book!”
posted by Denise Michaels @ 3:14 PM
No Fault Divorce Is A Spiritual Affair
By: Cindy Hide
Once upon a time before the early 1960’s there was a world where marriage was the norm and divorce was difficult. If we invested in each other and our lives as a married couple, only serious malfeasance was grounds for divorce. It was a time when we could take ownership of our marriage dream and feel secure in the stability of the family that we intentionally created.
Fast forward to the new millennium where grounds for divorce include “because I want to” and what used to be a contractual relationship has been reduced to a legal “status.” Today, in spite of continued enthusiasm for finding a lifelong marriage mate, few brides or grooms realize that the real marriage bond exists only on a spiritual plane because the legal system will not protect their vows from crumbling.
The introduction of no-fault divorce in California in the early sixties erased all the old rules on the books—grounds which included adultery, abandonment and abuse—and replaced them with a standard for divorce based on something called irremediable breakdown of the marriage. The spirit of the statute quickly buzzed throughout the halls of legislatures across the country and has since resulted in some form of “no-fault” approach in nearly every state in the country.
Now one might wonder, “Why would fault be removed as a reason for divorce?” The original intention was to avoid fabricated grounds in order to comply with the statute when both parties simply wanted out. It also caused unnecessary legal proceedings and undue stress on the children.
The more cynical view points towards a much darker reason for the change. Negotiating power used to depend on egregious behavior, but without fault, property division and child custody now depends on a lawyer’s advocacy skills, courtroom bias and the ability for either party to financially sustain a fight.
So what can you do if you don’t want a divorce but your spouse does? The answer lies in the spirit of your marriage—literally.
Cindy Hide is a family law attorney in Houston, Texas, Founder of Divorce Education for Women and author of 7 Steps to Divorcing Wisely: Do I Stay or Do I Leave? She offers seminars, a Professional Directory, an on-line bookstore and FREE e-tips to empower women in relationship transition. Visit www.DivorceEducationForWomen.com or call 713.599.0065.
Tell your friends about this site! This blog is provided by Denise Michaels. To see more blogs by Denise to go http://GreatIdeasForWomenOver40.com.Denise Michaels is author of the myth-shattering book, “Testosterone-Free Marketing” for women business owners. Go to http://MarketingForHer.com and click on “Get the Book!”
posted by Denise Michaels @ 9:34 AM
10 Tips For Self-Care During A Divorce
By: Sharron Phillips
1. Set up your own space. If you can afford to have a separate living arrangement during your divorce proceedings and it does not interfere with legal requirements for the outcome you are hoping for, find a separate space. If you are financially strapped, create a separate space in the dwelling you share and make it appealing. Buy yourself flowers for the room, get new artwork for the wall, colorful throw cushions, new sheets and towels.
2. Eat healthy foods. Divorce is a stress marathon - use extreme measures in your exercise and nutrition plans to remain healthy, or become healthy.
3. Get outside, walk, walk, walk or run or mosey or amble. This will go a long way to soothing the jangled nerves you are likely to experience.
4. Bitch, moan, tear out your hair, cry, wail, take a breath and then repeat as often as necessary until you get tired of hearing yourself repeat the saga of your breakup and why you are right and your soon to be ex is all wrong.
5. Start a new career or hobby. You will meet new people, engage your creativity and have a new outlet.
6. Understand that this experience will have an end and a new beginning. Prepare to forgive yourself and your new ex and be willing to move on.
7. Evaluate your friendships and make whatever adjustments you feel are necessary. Sometimes there is a need to make new friends and say goodbye to relationships that are fraught with unrepairable history.
8. Daydream about your next partner and relationship. In order to be ready for a new and improved relationship, you need to know what you want and also need to see what parts of you need healing and nurturing.
9. Get reliable, recommended legal counsel. Be prepared for the process to take longer than you thought. Save your energy. You are not likely to speed up the process.
10. Understand that this experience may be an opportunity for growth and insight. Be gentle with yourself, be prepared to make changes in your life and outlook. Get ready for the adventure of discovering yourself.
Sharron Phillips is a life coach, massage therapist, speaker, facilitator and courageous communicator. Her specialities are relationships, wellness, and spirituality. She is writing a book on self care. http://www.sharronphillipslifecoach.com
Tell your friends about this site! This blog is provided by Denise Michaels. To see more blogs by Denise to go http://GreatIdeasForWomenOver40.com.Denise Michaels is author of the myth-shattering book, “Testosterone-Free Marketing” for women business owners. Go to http://MarketingForHer.com and click on “Get the Book!”
posted by Denise Michaels @ 4:16 PM
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